Rhinosaur

Clarkson has observed that there are medicines for AIDS, but nothing can prevent a common cold. Why can't we invent some really useful things? If we can invent underwear that helps filter the "mal- " out of the malodorous flatulence, why can't we invent a wire that doesn't knot itself?

I wrap my headphones wire SO carefully when I put them back into the case. When I open the case, they’re like an ambidextrous, sober sailor has got to work on them with a vengeance. When I leave it uncoiled for more than two seconds, it just manages to try and throttle itself. I don’t know how. Is this something rational? Or is this one of the great scientific mysteries of our time, along with “where do all our left socks go?” and “why can’t a child step around a puddle, instead of in it?”

The worst ones are those thick, long cables that are used onstage. If you’re not careful with them, they’ll do a boa constrictor on you, and you’ll not only end up dead, but looking like a fool who managed to kill himself with the cable he was tidying up.

It’s a conspiracy, I think – the cable companies want to keep their sales up, so they deliberately make cables that coil up tighter than a rattlesnake that’s about to strike. Then you get fed up with them, and throw them out before they can kill you, and get new ones. Well, I know what I’m going to do: I’m going to switch to wireless!

Then again, the non-rechargeable cells last for all of two minutes. The rechargeable ones cost an arm and a leg. And, you’ve to charge them every five minutes…

I make people I hardly know smile (and they smile enough to tell me about it) and I make the people I love - and who love me - cry.

The other day I was washing my hands and this guy walked out of the loo with a bottle of sprite under his arm. I wonder what company a bottle of Sprite can afford inside the loo.

Even more intriguing is the fact that two days in a row one of the cleaners has walked out of the loo – the door was closed – and there were no cleaning materials in evidence. “He also has to go sometimes,” you may think, but here’s what intrigued me: he never washed his hands!

Since this IS my blog, I should put down things about me - if only to remind me later in life how young, stupid and carefree I am.

But I won't.