Saturday, September 02, 2006
Green thang: Life (or the lack of it) on earth...
Our alien, on the other hand, had been rechristened “Green Thang”, owing to the fact that he was green and his actual name a feat of tongue and lips that no human was capable of. By sheer coincidence, he happened to come across pictures and videos of an earth- woman and was very impressed. He later found out that her name was Anna Nicole Smithsonian. He managed to meet her (easy task for someone of his mental capabilities, see) and woo her (not so easy, but…), and after she had a peek at his bank balances, they got married. Everywhere Green Thang went, people called him “Mr.T” out of respect and affection. Mrs. Smithsonian merely called him “That Thang I do”.
Thang and his wife were living happily ever after, and one evening they went out for authentic Indian cuisine. The spices got too much for him, and he contracted food poisoning; since no one had been allowed to probe him and dissect him, they didn’t know how to cure him, and he worsened and died. The US Government confiscated all his property, first claiming it to be an alien’s, then saying that they were having it quarantined. When Mrs.Smithsonian filed a suit against the government, she lost, of course, because they had married outside the country, while on holiday, and not in California where they lived. (“Why California?” you may well wonder; well, Thang was a bit of a megalomaniac at heart. In California, even three eyes, four arms and green skin won’t make you famous. You need to marry a Ms. Smithsonian for that.)
Since Thang hadn’t made a will (he did, actually, only it was in his native tongue. No one could decipher it.) His whole estate went to his closest relation- who would’ve been a million miles away if it wasn’t for his wife. The government had taken it all away after winning the suit. What Mrs. Smithsonian did was shrug, sell the TV rights to his funeral to Fox and the body to the research division of the FDA for a tidy sum of money. The funeral had a fake body, neatly and quietly replaced by unknowns (If I told you, I’d have to kill you). Mrs. Smithsonian, needless to say, lived happily ever after, giving interviews to eminent newspapers like “The Sun” on topics as varied as “How it feels like to do it with an alien” and “Do aliens make better lovers than men?”; even some like “Are millionaire aliens more human than human millionaires?”
If you’re curious as to how she managed to “do it” with him, you can purchase the book “Alien Love” by Mrs. Smithsonian, currently #3 on the New York Times bestseller list. (The book, not Mrs. Smithsonian.)
Thang and his wife were living happily ever after, and one evening they went out for authentic Indian cuisine. The spices got too much for him, and he contracted food poisoning; since no one had been allowed to probe him and dissect him, they didn’t know how to cure him, and he worsened and died. The US Government confiscated all his property, first claiming it to be an alien’s, then saying that they were having it quarantined. When Mrs.Smithsonian filed a suit against the government, she lost, of course, because they had married outside the country, while on holiday, and not in California where they lived. (“Why California?” you may well wonder; well, Thang was a bit of a megalomaniac at heart. In California, even three eyes, four arms and green skin won’t make you famous. You need to marry a Ms. Smithsonian for that.)
Since Thang hadn’t made a will (he did, actually, only it was in his native tongue. No one could decipher it.) His whole estate went to his closest relation- who would’ve been a million miles away if it wasn’t for his wife. The government had taken it all away after winning the suit. What Mrs. Smithsonian did was shrug, sell the TV rights to his funeral to Fox and the body to the research division of the FDA for a tidy sum of money. The funeral had a fake body, neatly and quietly replaced by unknowns (If I told you, I’d have to kill you). Mrs. Smithsonian, needless to say, lived happily ever after, giving interviews to eminent newspapers like “The Sun” on topics as varied as “How it feels like to do it with an alien” and “Do aliens make better lovers than men?”; even some like “Are millionaire aliens more human than human millionaires?”
If you’re curious as to how she managed to “do it” with him, you can purchase the book “Alien Love” by Mrs. Smithsonian, currently #3 on the New York Times bestseller list. (The book, not Mrs. Smithsonian.)
# posted by General Disarray @ 3:51 AM 
